Ending Apathy

Everyone Deserves a Good Weekend and a Good Cry

2010-11-28T23:18:00.000-08:00

This weekend was absolutely outstanding and a little horrible all at the same time. It started out with a short week of work and moved right into family time. I got to spend Wednesday night and all of Thursday with them! I'm a big fan of my family. Sadly, it was mostly just me, my parents and my little brother as all of the married kids were at the in-laws' homes for Thanksgiving. We had fun nonetheless, and we enjoyed a great dinner. Reflecting on the many blessings I have been given reminded me of just how lucky I am. Truly the Lord has blessed me far beyond my deserving.

Friday was also an outstanding day. I cleaned the house and prepared for a date. I was pretty excited for it. The plans and the company promised to be outstanding. We cooked Chicken Alfredo with sauteed zucchini, boiled new potatoes and a fruit salad all while listening to European music. It was fun and I really enjoyed getting to know my date better. After dinner we showed photos from our trips to Europe. That was awesome! I love Europe. Turns out she does too and we had a lot of fun reliving our trips as we described our pictures.

After the pictures, I felt bad because, as some of you know, I often times don't sleep too well and it generally messes with my sleep patterns. I found myself starting to get tired, and I thought, "I should probably take her home before I make too big of a fool out of myself." So I took her home at 10:30, totally forgetting the part of the date I had been most excited about! There is an amazing, authentic European pastry shop in Salt Lake that I'm a big fan of. I had driven out and picked up pastries for dessert, but in the end I took her home, totally forgetting the pastries. I had this brilliant idea the next morning to drop them off at her door with a thank you note. I got the note written and when I went to prepare the pastries I realized they were no longer good. They have no preservatives in them and are designed to be eaten the day they are made. They had gone soggy. I didn't think soggy pastries sent the right message... :( Oh well, I thought the date was still really fun!

Saturday I spent with my family again, watched the Utes eke out a win against BYU, and soon enough it was Sunday.

Sunday was a busy day at church. I wore my Austrian, red paisley vest and matching red tie in honor of Christmas and the Utes' victory. I looked good, basically. - Even if I was a tad overdressed. Church as always was the fitting capstone to a good weekend.

After church came the good cry. My sister Brianna and her husband Joe have been transferred to Texas. Tonight we had to say goodbye. I'm already a crybaby when it comes to my family, but with Brianna, there is something beyond just a family relationship. For several years now she and I have been best friends. I don't mean that in a see-you-once-a-week type of "BFF" thing. No. We are best friends. We get each other, we've counseled each other through relationships, we are hilarious. I set her up with her husband. THAT'S how well we know each other. Now, she's leaving for who knows how long. Aside from the deaths of my grandparents, and my mission, it was one of the hardest goodbyes I've ever said. If I hadn't hand picked her husband, and if I didn't have a firm testimony of the good man that he is, I'd be more worried. He will take care of her and they will be fine. Now I'm just lonely. My friend, my sister and my confidant is gone.

I'm sure that everything will be alright, and that life will move on much as it has after every major life event. I know this, but that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to loved ones.

So Bri Bri, if you ever read this, I just want you to know that I love you. You're my best good friend. You have been a pillar of strength, and true friend in dark times. I'm proud of the woman you have become, and I'm proud of the choice you have recently made in a husband. I am thrilled that your lives are about to leap forward and that new and untold experiences await you both in Texas. I pray for Father in Heaven's choicest blessings to be upon you and that safety and love accompany you all the days of your life. You are in my heart and my prayers always.

Joe, take care of my sister. You're a good man. You have quickly become a good friend and I am proud to have you as a brother. I am grateful for your constant vote of confidence in me and your stalwart faithfulness to the gospel; but most importantly, I am grateful for the love and tender respect you have for my sister. You are becoming a powerful family leader, a provider and you will one day be a good father. Thank you.

Well, that's enough mushy heartache for one blog entry. I hope you guys don't mind me getting a little personal. Today was a tender day for me. Take care. :)

Carpe Diem

2010-09-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

We live in the blink of an eye. We do not have the luxury of seeing the future, only the past. Time does not wait and does not come again. If you are mired in life and lack direction, or are plagued with apathy, remember this: You have one chance to live this moment. It will never come again. Do not waste it.

A Day Of Rest...

2010-08-19T01:20:00.000-07:00

Sun: Church, HT, Fireside
Mon: FHE
Tues: Bishopric Mtg
Wed: Work until 10:30
Thurs: HT/VT Reporting Mtg
Fri: Ward Temple Night
Sat: Elders Quorum Activity
Sun: Rinse and repeat? ... When was that day of rest? Ha ha.

I thought we were encouraged to date on occasion! :)

Life, Love and Rivers

2010-08-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

I believe that life and love are like great rivers. We cannot control them, hold them, shape or form them. We can manipulate them for a time, but our efforts at control will not last. Ultimately they will carry on their course regardless of our most dire efforts to the contrary. If we fight against them we will only become tired and hate them for it. The best we can do is to put ourselves in their paths and wait for the day they carry us in their course to our final destination.

Internet Awesomeness

2010-07-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

People who are completely removed from the threat of personal encounter often become overly bold when making comments on the Internet. To them I say, "Uh huh. You're really cool. I can tell that by how much you make fun of other people. It really accentuates your awesomeness, as well as others' un-awesomeness. I'm so proud of you. Certainly YOU are the epitome of greatness and the world authority on whatever-the-crap you're talking about at a given moment." We have created a society of posers. Thank you Internet, for giving spineless cowards a moment in the sun.

The Deep And The Harbor

2010-07-12T23:17:00.000-07:00

It is dark, and the ocean is deep. I am lost and alone. The wind is gone and my sails hang limp on the slender mast. I am tired from rowing. I cannot carry on. Around me, the water's icy blackness speaks silently of the souls it has claimed in its solemn and lonely tomb. Above it, I look from my tiny craft and consider the peace it offers: darkness, silence and the end of mortal strife. A breath, a twitch and the descent into the abyss, cruel mercy at the hands of the unnatural demise. Nonetheless, a twisted and wicked sort of peace. In the slivered moonlight the silent waters beckon. Almost I slip quietly into the arms of darkness, when suddenly I am drawn from my reverie by the faintest glimmer from the distant lighthouse: Hope. Safety.

Renewed, I take up my oars and row. The slightest breeze begins to blow and I continue my journey toward the safe harbor. I will yet plant my feet on solid ground. I will rest upon the protected shore.

_________________________________________________________________________

I am not much of a writer, but tonight as I kneel before the feet of heaven and reflect on mortality I feel the weight of life upon my shoulders. At moments I look and do not see the way before me. I feel much like the forlorn sailor who is lost and alone on a seemingly endless sea. Tonight as I thought of that sailor, this scene opened upon my mind and I felt I had to write it down. The story is not actually about the sea and its depth and darkness. It is about the lighthouse and its fleeting, momentary flash of light in the dark which tells the sailor that he is finally nearing the shore, and his journey's end. When I am down, and discouraged I look for the lighthouse and that glimpse on the horizon that gives me the courage to move.

My troubles are nothing special. My issues are no bigger than any other person's. However, they are mine, and they are real. Just as yours are. i don't believe there is anything wrong with struggling in life. What is important during such times is to focus on the reasons you must continue on your journey. Remembering these reason's will provide the courage to move. Then we must seek out the Spirit in all we do and cling to it like life itself. I belive (and it is a personal belief) that once we can believe in these things, and feel and follow the Spirit, that eventually we will see the lighthouse, and find the shore, and reach the journey's end. We were meant to pass through tribulation. We were also meant to have joy. The night will not last forever and at it's end is the sunrise, and the promise of a new day.

Peace, Fear and Faith

2010-04-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

There is an element of peace in innocence and ignorance. When they are lost, true peace must be found from a true source and cannot be fabricated artificially. I believe I know where peace comes from. I have found it when portions of innocence and ignorance have been lost, but it is a struggle and a fight to retain it. What shall we do when our innocence is fully gone and we see the dark evil of the world beyond the facade? Truly many men's hearts will fail them. Then, broken, we must find the source of peace. We must find it, or be lost. We are taught that fear is the absence of faith. The two cannot coexist. One will defeat the other. I do not want to be afraid. Therefore I must build my faith to withstand the impending storm. I pray for Heaven's blessing as I try. For the clouds are looming, and I can hear the roll of thunder.

Mister Rogers

2010-03-15T16:59:00.000-07:00

Mr. Rogers is the brunt of many a fine joke to be sure. I mean, the whole sweater-zipper thing was just too awesome in each of our childhoods for one to avoid mimicking the up-down motion he makes when donning the classic wool sweater. Having said that, I think the man had a lot of it right. I mean, I woke up this morning fully realizing that it's Monday, and I had a great weekend that I was loathe to part with. I was thinking about this as I was driving to work today and realized that my life is actually pretty good. I have my health. I'm employed. My family is safe and healthy. I have a strong moral foundation and a faith that brings me hope and joy everyday. Sure, today is Monday, and they can be hard, but there is so much good that I couldn't help to sing to myself, "It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood..." and mimic the up-down zipper motion as I enjoyed the start of a new day, a new week, and a new adventure.

Granted, my life isn't perfect. I have plenty of drama and crisis going on in the moments when I have a second to breathe. I'd really like to not be single anymore. I'd like to pay down some more debt. I'd really like the home teaching assignments to make themselves. And on, and on, and on... I just find that I get through it all so much better when I focus on what I've been given in life, and not what life hasn't given me.

It seems that for years in my life I did just that. I focused on what I didn't have, or what was wrong with life. And it never got any better. As soon as I'd resolve one issue, another one would jump into its place. Focusing on the issue was just as depressing as focusing on the old one. Today, my problems are still my problems, but I focus on the good in life, do the best I can at everything I do, and I find that little by little, my problems get resolved.

There's really only one that I have to keep working at. Apparently if I don't pay attention to my dating habits my wife doesn't just show up... So... I keep working on that. The rest is easy. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. See? You're farther ahead today than you were yesterday. :)

New Template

2010-03-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

So, I'm messing around with the composition and layout of my blog lately for a few reasons:

A) I hated the lime green nasty thing I used in the first place.
B) I'd like to use this thing more often, and I felt rather uninspired when looking at the nasty lime green thing.
C) It's time for a change. I wish I knew how to write HTML and make cool graphics in Photo Shop. I think I could make some cool stuff, but my little right brain is under exercised, so I'm looking for a good template site or some such. Ideas? *hears the echo of nothingness that reverberates through his blog and remembers that no one reads the darn thing* ... heh heh, oh yeah...

At any rate, I liked a lot of this new one I just applied until I scrolled down to an old post and realized that the template has turned my bullet points into flowers. Uh... not sure that's me really. So, I remain on the hunt for a new template for my blog. I feel like I have a fair bit to say today, so I might just post again later. Tchau!

The Dark Night

2010-03-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

It seems that truth is often exposed in the dark and quiet hours of the night. We see who we are, we see who we are not, and we deeply feel the chasm between them. The beautiful fact about night is that it is always followed by dawn and the promise of a new day. However dark the night becomes, the future is always brighter than the present. While we may not be exactly who we want to be right now, like the night, we have the ability to become bright, and to fulfill every possibility of greatness. Our present state does not dictate our future glory. That is in our hands to decide.

Time for Your Six Month Check Up

2009-10-08T00:05:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all of you who aren't really reading this! I am experiencing the lovely phenomenon known as insomnia and find myself with time on my hands. Rather than watch some movie on Netflix I have opted to do something a little more productive and put some thoughts down on the old blog.

No doubt you'll notice that it has been six months since my last posting. I find that funny because I spoke about General Conference in that post, and I may just mention it again in this one since it was just last week. - It all depends on where the creative writing vibe takes me tonight. I have a lot on my mind.

So, let's get down to brass tacks!

Let me preface this whole conversation by saying that I write this in response to several people who have engaged me in conversation or other forms of indirect communication about the things I am about to say. This is not unsolicited, but is rather a response to several experiences I have had in recent weeks and months.

The first thing I have to say is that I have a real issue with people who fancy themselves to be "intellectual." I have been quiet in my rebuttal to them, but I am responding today. I'm speaking specifically about the term "intellectual" as it relates to religious, moral and political matters, but will only address those under the religious category. There are many ways to describe these people. Generally these are self-proclaimed intellectuals either in very word, or by their actions. Synonyms for what I'm trying to describe are: "informed," "educated," "philosophical," "elevated," "superior," "better," etc. etc. etc. It is my general observation that people dedicated to this persuasion of thought have become so accustomed to questioning everything in their lives that they consider themselves smarter and better than others who choose to accept the lives they have chosen for themselves and do not feel the need to question every aspect of life. It is also my personal observation that those who have "learned the truth" or "elevated their minds above simple tradition" or who have otherwise chosen to break from whatever they are breaking away from (and they are ALWAYS breaking away from SOMETHING) feel it necessary to persecute and belittle those who chose to embrace the things they push away. The intellectuals don't share anything with others. They find opportunity to create contention. They impose their unsolicited opinions and beliefs. They seek for opportunities to point out apparent flaws or weaknesses and provide unsolicited criticism to people who have not intended to do harm, convince or convert them to anything, but have only sought to live their lives peacefully.

I will say that I firmly believe that we are all entitled to our own beliefs. We can and must have the right to express what we feel and believe so long as it does not impede on another's right to do the same. We DO NOT have the right to persecute, or otherwise abuse people in any way, shape or form for their beliefs. I think it is wrong to seek for or create opportunities to belittle, berate, or otherwise abuse people for having an opinion, or a belief; even if it is different from yours and especially if you think it is wrong. Yet for so many intellectuals I know and interact with, this is their way of life.

I believe that this tendency is common among this demographic because they often resent the thing they are breaking away from. In the case of many of my own experiences, these intellectuals are breaking away from religion (usually the LDS church). For some reason people can't just have a differing opinion in this arena. Instead they must find chances to poke at the church and its followers. They cannot leave it alone. Bitterness and anger, and guilt in some cases, drive the person to pick at the church like a scab that won't heal and never goes away. They manifest their contempt by deflecting it to others. In answer to their criticisms, I offer the following. I am not too concerned if they never see it, but I need to say it because it is under my skin now, and I need to deal with it in some way.

One thing about many of the Latter-Day Saints, is that many people call us sheep or say that we act on blind faith, never questioning what our leaders teach or what has been passed down to us through more than a century of very powerful cultural education. There may be some who fall under this category, but I think that the intellectuals who seek to enlighten us have forgotten one of the greatest facets of our faith: Faith. They have begun to look at the world strictly through the eyes of logic and reason. They trust in science, empirical evidence and their own wisdom. They try to use these as tools to demonstrate to us that what we believe is illogical, impossible, flawed, suspect. They pile up their supposed evidences and try to make us collapse under their weight. Generally when confronted with this type of hostile "education," church members do as they are taught and avoid contention, turn the other cheek, or make small and simple statements about their beliefs which are overridden by the intellectual who is so impressed with the sound of his own voice, he never actually hears what the person is actually saying. So, I'm taking the chance to enlighten the enlightened:

I said that what the intellectuals have forgotten about our faith is faith itself. What I mean by that is that we believe that truth is not taught or learned by the power of science, or logic, which are mortal in their premise, limited in their understanding and are highly volatile concepts that are subject to change with every newly published science or philosophy article. Instead we believe that truth is obtained by the witness of the Holy Ghost. This witness is born to each person individually and is the foundation for all that we believe. When we/I tell you what I believe, what I am also saying is that your argument of reason and logic is not parallel to my understanding of truth and therefore does not properly translate as a vehicle for persuasion. My understanding of truth comes from a different source. There is a logic to what I believe, but it is not quite the same as your notion of logic, nor is it the foundation of my belief. Let me explain to you my belief.

I believe that there is a God, he is our Father and we are created in his image. He has a specific plan for our return to his presence. This plan is based on obedience to God's commands and therefore demands the existence of a moral right and wrong. God, being perfect, has set the standard for that law and requires that we follow his plan of salvation in order to return to his presence. His definition of right and wrong, wickedness and righteousness does not change, is not altered and is not subject to current public opinion and is not concerned with appeasement, apology or compromise. After this life, and based upon obedience to the law of God, we will be judged according to our works. We may return to his presence if we have done all in our power to follow his will. This is known as salvation which is a heaven, exaltation, and glorification. This salvation is brought about by the Atonement. God has a son who came to earth, lived a perfect life and was sacrificed as a payment for the burden of our imperfections. This sacrifice is the Atonement which affords us salvation. This son is Jesus Christ, the savior of all mankind. Through baptism and continual repentance we are able to avail ourselves of the Atonement and receive forgiveness for our sins. With the help of the Holy Ghost we can be strengthened so that as we strive to improve our lives, righteousness (obedient living) is not a chore, but a joy and a way of life. God has provided prophets and apostles to teach his children about his will and to provide a means whereby we can partake in the covenants (specific promises which carry specific blessings) which are necessary for us to be able to take advantage of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Because the requirements for obedience, baptism and other covenants are so specific, God has one true church on the earth. This church is like the church which Christ created during his mortal life, containing apostles, prophets, teachers evangelists and so forth. It is predicated on the concept of continual priesthood authority (the same given to the original twelve apostles, which authority is the power of God given to man to act in his name on the earth). It requires a direct line of authority passed from one individual to another. This priesthood authority must reach back, unbroken, to Jesus Christ who is the founder and head of the one true church. Christian scripture prophesied that the church and the preisthood authority would be removed from the earth after the death of Christ as a result of wickedness, but that it would be returned to the earth in the "latter-days." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has that authority and can trace it directly to Jesus Christ. The priesthood authority was given to Joseph Smith by Peter, James and John, three of the original twelve apostles who were called by Christ during his mortal life. They appeared to and passed that authority to the prophet Joseph Smith. Every prophet in the church since that time has held that authority to administer the church of Jesus Christ on the earth. The LDS church is unique in this claim and is the only church which can lay such a claim and meet all of the historical requirements as set forth in standard Christian scripture, as well as in the Book of Mormon, which is another testament of Jesus Christ.

So, while the intellectuals are piling their logic, and reason and the latest theories of "Science Weekly" on the members of the church, trying to show them the error of their ways, their arguments are having no effect because believers of the "Mormon faith" know that knowledge can be gained by books and learning and that is an important thing, but truth - especially the eternal truths of salvation are not learned by logic. God is smarter than that, because he no doubt is aware of the fact that there is no absolute in the world of man. All logic, science, reason, and other devices are all subject to the consensus by mortals that what they allege is true. Instead God has promised that those seeking to know, who are willing to act on what they learn, can know by the power of the Holy Ghost, that: God exists, he is our Father, he knows and loves us, he sent his son to pay the price of our imperfections, God dictates right and wrong, we can be forgiven of our mistakes, God has provided one church for this purpose. We can learn infinitely more by using this method. Intellectuals will try to discount these things. They will find small things that are peripheral to these principles, take them out of context, distort them and then try to use them as a criticism, they will rage, and shout and in the end, they will not disuade me. They will not make me change my mind or shame me into questioning what I know, because I know what I have been taught by the power of the Holy Ghost. I have sought to know for myself. Just because I haven't wandered away from the fold, rebelled and proclaimed my freedom from my religion doesn't mean I haven't sought to know. And I have learned through careful study, prayer and pondering. I have learned for myself that what I have been taught and believe is true. I don't need your approval or acceptance to feel good about this. I don't need to apologize for loving the fact that I am happy and content in my life of religious dedication. I accept you desire to find out the truth of these things for yourself and in your own way. I may disagree with you, but you are entitled to your opinion. I will not pile up anything and try to overwhelm you with it. I will offer my input, but I will not force it on you. I'd appreciate it if you can do the same for me.

Life... It just keeps on movin'

2009-04-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

Well, the good news is I have found a job! I got a call from a boss I had three years ago when I worked at a company called OPSGEAR. He offered me a position in the company working in their retail store. It's not paying a ton, certainly not what I thought I'd be making at this point in my life, but I can say in all sincerity that I am glad to have a job. I'm very lucky to have such a good friend in my boss. He has always come to me with a place to work if it was needed. - I certainly need it. Coming back to OPSGEAR has been a lot like coming home for me. I have some great friends in the company, and I love the product and the industry. Plus, I really think that I can have a positive impact on the company and could really do a lot to contribute. It would be great if I could find a place in the company that would allow me to make use of my education, help the company, and do it at a level that would allow me to pay my bills and prepare myself to have a family. I say it a lot, but that is the next great phase of my life. My first priority is to my future family. I have to find a way out of my financial crisis. I'm looking forward to the near future to see what the Lord has in store.

So, now you know about the big news, let's talk about some other stuff! If you don't want religious talk, you can just wait for my next post, because the rest of this one is personal and religious. - But I'm not pulling any punches. ;)

Last weekend my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, held it's semi-annual General Conference. It is held over the course of two days and has a total of five two-hour sessions. It is a time when the church's world leaders address us and give us council for our day. I was greatly touched by the Spirit. The talks given in all of the sessions seemed to speak directly to me. Among the lessons taught, was one given by Elder Jeffery R. Holland, one of the current Twelve Apostles. He spoke on Jesus Christ and the Atonement. Two things came to me from this talk. First, I received a witness from the Holy Ghost that we do indeed have modern prophets and apostles. Second, I realized that I do not have a good enough understanding of what the Atonement is, and how it works, and how I can take advantage of it in my personal life. This week has been wonderful as I have gone back to the scriptures to learn more about these things and seek to increase my testimony and knowledge of Jesus Christ and the Atonement. I hope that I can make this a regular habit. I feel so much better about life when I am focused on the things that really matter. I was told once that I should "seek first the Kingdom of God" and that after I had done that, all other things would fall into place. So, I'm getting back to the root of it all. I believe that Christ is my light and the Savior of the world. I think that through the crazy experiences of my life my testimony of Him has grown and I can say that I have somewhat of a personal relationship with Him. However, I don't know that I will ever be done learning about His life, or His Atonement. I find so often that I have only scratched the surface of it all. My desire to know more is often insatiable, but I go through times when I don't do enough. I hope I can stay on the horse this time and take it to the next level.

So anyway, I called this blog, "Ending Apathy." How does that apply here? I think that generally a lot of people think, as I often do, that they are doing "enough;" that trying to be a good person is satisfactory to meet the requirements of moral living. So often we all get caught in that habit of self absorption that we forget to look beyond the walls of our daily routine to see the world around us. We often get so caught up in day-to-day survival that we completely fail to look around and see where the day-to-day is taking us. I have been recently reminded that life is an uphill battle and if you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. There is no such thing as "good enough." In order to be anywhere even close we must always seek to improve ourselves. I'll leave it up to you to determine what that means, but I think we all know it in our hearts.

The purpose of life is not to merely pass through it while making the smallest waves possible. The purpose of life is to rise above ourselves and become something more then merely ourselves. I believe that to do this we need to elevate our minds and activate our souls. I also believe that there are two key components to this process: 1) We must follow the Lord Jesus Christ and always strive to be like Him; 2) We must look at our fellow man and have compassion on him. I was always taught that in order to help ourselves we should help others.

As I have found myself in dire straights, it has been a challenge to receive this admonishment. It generally feels like I can focus on little else than myself as I try to resolve the issues I am currently facing. I was actually rather obstinate about it. Then, I took two days to go and help someone who needed it. It hard, manual labor for a person I have been struggling to love, despite the fact that he is family. As I worked, I found myself concerned for him. By the end of it we had been able to talk and laugh together and as I left to come home I found myself saying, "I love you." I'm ashamed to admit it, but I might not have said it the week before, but that day it came so naturally that I had to say it. I do love him. What a waste that I allowed myself to feel distant from someone who has been so important in my life.

Why this story and this entire subject of apathy and the gospel and following Christ and serving others? Because last week I did little more than think of myself and try to find a job and feel a little sorry for myself. I think that most people would say those are acceptable activities for someone who has been laid off in twice within six months, who has a mortgage, student loans and a dying car. - Being that person, I'm here to tell you that they are not acceptable activities. I know it for a fact. I can tell you honestly that to help yourself, you should look to make someone else's life easier. While I was working during those two days, I received the phone call from my old boss asking if I would come back to work for him. It might have been coincidence, but I don't believe in such a thing. I have looked high and low for work and either been over or under qualified. I was at the end of my rope and feeling rather depressed. Then I looked beyond my day-to-day and as I did that, I found the answer to my own prayers.

In the end, I think most of us feel the desire to be good, and to do good. Today, I encourage us all to leave behind our apathy and take a step towards the light.

Have a good one.

Hmph... Well, Here We Go Again

2009-03-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a week, and let me tell you, a lot happens in seven days of my life. For example:

1. I went to a birthday party.
2. I lost 1.3% body fat. No really, I did.
3. I lost my earpiece for my cell phone. Luckily I found it again.
4. I lost my job.

I seem to be losing a lot of stuff... Wait, did I say I lost my job? Yep! Got laid off... again. I suppose that it's partly my fault this time for taking a job at a company that is failing. I had hoped that I would be able to move in and make a difference, but in my personal (and possibly somewhat jaded) opinion, the company waited far too long to resolve the problems that were staring them in the face for months. By the time they brought me on they couldn't make payroll, they had sales reps they couldn't control, no new revenue for months, and no documented process for any of their standard business operations. I knew this going in, but I gave it a chance anyway. I started as merely a purchasing agent at $10/hr. I needed something to slow the bleeding from being unemployed for five months. Within five weeks I was promoted to Director of Sales and Operations and my salary was bumped a little bit. Two weeks after that I was laid off. I tried, in that short time, to establish a sales forecast and production schedule, document the sales process, implement an incentivized referral program for our vendors and various partners, and tried to make a few sales myself. I thought that was pretty good work for less than half of the money I was worth, and still getting most of it done in two weeks. Now I find myself trying to sell my house in one month, and find a job in one week.

Why do I take the time to tell you all of this? Because I feel like I work my tail off. I've been laid off from two jobs during this economic downturn. I will probably either sell my house for a loss, or lose it. I have nothing left, and yet I have worked harder in the last three years of my life than I have at any other point. However, I am not on welfare. I am not on Medicaid, or Medicare. I have not defaulted on my mortgage or my taxes, or received any sort of special government concession for my sad state of existence. I'll be honest with you, I don't really want to. It's not in my genetic makeup to take handouts or freebies, or to take something I haven't earned. At a time like this, it is important to me to know who I am, and what I will do to solve the problem. This brings me to a listing of "Wills and Will Nots:"

Wills:

I will work again to find a job. Now. Today. Not later, not never. Now.

I will sell what I can to pay my debts.

I will find a way to survive.

I will succeed and thrive, but it might be hard for a while. I might have to adjust my paradigm and my mode of thinking for a while.

I will do with less now, so that I can have more later.

Will Nots:

I will not expect the government to fix my problem.

I will not spend more money that I don't have just to maintain a negative cycle of living beyond my means.

I will not give myself a bonus with your money. Although, I admit it is a revolutionary new idea: to reward yourself with someone else's money for ruining something.

I will not blame Bush for my problems.

Anybody picking up the undercurrent here? Yes, that's right! I am not just talking about myself here! - Gold star for those of you who got it. I'm making an analogy of my tragically true story and the real life situation in which we find ourselves here in the good old U.S. of A.

In all fairness to myself, I don't currently have a cycle of living beyond my means. Before I lost my first job I could afford my house (my only debt) and I had a pretty sweet savings account I was growing. Of course the savings is now gone, and I'm trying to get rid of my house. But the analogy of the cycle of living beyond my means is parallel to the same pattern maintained by consumers and government alike for decades here in the U.S.

I have a lot to say about the issues I have prefaced here. So I'm thinking I'm going to have to break it up into sections. I might try to continue later on today, but right now I have to get off of my butt and look for a job.

Intro to "Ending Apathy"

2009-03-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

My purpose in writing a blog is mostly to have a place to dump my inner monologue. I deliberately chose the name, "Ending Apathy" because I think it would be a great band name, and because I think that is what needs to happen. I find myself looking around at the world, sick of the fact that we all point fingers, but don't take a stand beyond griping to whoever is sitting in the car with us about how the world is going to pot. I'm going to gripe to you. - That's a little more proactive isn't it?

I'm done with silently standing by and thinking that somebody will make a difference. I think apathy is the great plague of our generation. We suffer from self-motivated, self-centered, self-serving, self-destroying apathy. I want to say something about it, and I'm going to do it here. I don't kid myself into thinking that I'm going to change the world. If this little experiment changes anything but my evening schedule I'll be surprised, but at least I'm saying it.

...I'm also going to tell you about boring, stupid stuff like dating, vacations, and whatever else catches my interest. - I get to because it's my blog!

Let me forewarn you:

I am religious. Much of my opinion is obviously formed by my religious views.
I am opinionated. I don't want to offend anybody, but I don't think I'll be apologizing for much. This is a blog after all, and so I get to say mostly what I want. It's called Freedom of Speech and is one of the most important amendments to the constitution ever written.
I think I have my witty moments... from time to time. I try to share those moments with you. If it isn't funny, just keep reading. It should pass.

So, for the one or two of you who may actually follow my diatribe, I hope you enjoy!